Grief Persists For Henry Dang's Family, Friends

A white bicycle. A plaque that reads, “It’s always best to do the right thing when you have the chance.” Sneakers. Clothes. Track and field medals. Awards. Posters. Basketballs. Hats. Stuffed animals. Candles. Flowers.

These items sit by a telephone pole at the intersection of Spring and West streets in Windsor Locks.

The impromptu memorial marks the spot where 15-year-old Henry Dang died. He was riding his bike home from a friend's house when he was struck and killed by a vehicle driven by an .

“We’re never going to take it down unless the town forces us to,” said Dang’s sister, Jenny Dang.

Ghost Bikes, an organization that memorializes bicycle accident victims, placed the white bicycle there. A group of Windsor Locks parents plan to build a permanent memorial in Noden-Reed Park, where Dang often played basketball. The memorial would include a bench with a plaque in front reading: “I got this,” a catchphrase of Dang’s.

Dang’s family has been unable to celebrate holidays or family events since his death.

“When birthdays and holidays are here, I don’t enjoy it and look forward to it anymore,” Ha Tran, Dang’s brother, said. “It’s the worst days of the year. We just sit there and reminisce and cry about the past years.”

Dang’s mother, Lien Dang, is trying to cope.

"Every morning I drive past my son, where he was hit,” she said. “Every morning I tell him, ‘I miss you baby. I miss you so much.”

“Everyday, every hour, every minutte [sic] I am always thinking and wondering about how you are. If you were hurt, or was it an instant thing ... I miss you so much. And when I open my eyes after a sleep its hard to close it again, because I can’t stop thinking about you. My baby, you will always be in my heart and there will never be a part of me that can be healed again. Forever half broken - mom,” words that Dang’s sister, Jenny, wrote on Dang’s Facebook wall on behalf of their mother on Dec. 5, 2010.

It’s not just Dang’s family who is grieving.

“I’d do anything to have that kid walk through the door,” said Daniel Dargie, the father of Chase Dargie, one of Dang's best friends.

Dang was at the Dargie’s house before he died.

Cheryl Dargie, the mother of Chase Dargie, said she offered Dang a ride home but he refused because he was going to use his bike the next morning.

"I used to beat myself up about the whole thing,” Cheryl Dargie said. “If I could bring him back, I would. If I could make him take that ride, I would. I wish I can bring him back for his mom and my son.”

Cheryl Dargie said Chase has had an especially difficult time dealing with the death.

On Jan. 5, 2011, Chase Dargie wrote on Dang’s Facebook wall, “Surprised by [you] joining me in my dream last night. Problem was, I dreamed you were still alive ... Boy, was my heart broken when I awoke to the reality of you not being here..I clicked snooze as as soon as [I] was rudely interrupted and tried to get back to that dream world for just five more minutes...Jeez man I just don’t know what to do with myself at the moment. You were too big a part of my life for everything to even be close to normal again. I appreciate all that you did for me while we had the time to spend together, and just wish it could have lasted longer. Love you man ...”

“Henry was Chase’s right hand man,” Cheryl Dargie said. “It kills me to watch Chase struggle and I can’t do anything for him.”

She said her son told her he wanted to move somewhere else because it was too hard to walk by the memorial.

Chase Dargie has kept a bottle of seltzer water that Dang drank from the night he died and an old T-shirt of Dang’s. A few days later, Mrs. Dargie gave her son a framed picture of Dang.

“He keeps the picture behind his bed,” she said. “The day I gave him the picture, he had his first full-night of sleep.”

Stacia Johnson, a therapist from Essex, said everyone handles grieving differently. “Grief is not a linear process, it moves in peaks and valleys. Everyone does it differently, there is no set time frame, really,” she said.           

People never completely get over the death, Johnson said, but do reorganize their lives around their lost loved one and learn to cope with what is missing.

Some people get stuck in the grieving process, which can lead to depression. Signs of depression include feelings of hopelessness, suicidal ideation, frequent illness, isolation, lack of interest and changes in appetite and sleeping. Those individuals should consider seek help, Johnson said.

 “Some people like to use the rule of thumb that if a year has gone by and the person has not made much progress in coping with the loss, then they may be becoming depressed,” Johnson said.

Johnson also said a death such as Dang’s can also lead to trauma. Trauma responses include emotional numbness, intrusive thoughts, feeling as if the event is happening when it’s not, and flashbacks. Recognizing any of these signs and having an individual talk to a therapist could be beneficial, she said.

Dang’s death impacted his family and friends, but also those who did not know him well. The staff, faculty and students from Windsor Locks High School have been working to come to terms with the death.

“The way all of us have come together as a school community is tremendous ... I appreciate the way they handled everything with all my heart,” Dargie said.

Donovan Ford-Hayes, Dang’s basketball teammate, said he vividly recalls the day the school heard about the death. The hallways were silent, he said.

Students made posters and placed them on a hallway wall, Dargie said. The posters were later given to Dang’s sister, Damein Maturah, a classmate and Dang’s basketball teammate, said.

“Everyone has finally come together, no matter if they hate each other or they never talked before. You, Henry Dang, brought us all together,” one of Dang’s classmates, Kimberly Love, wrote.

The school has also held events in memory of Dang.

“Everything we do, we do in Henry’s honor,” Jenny Dang said.

Cheryl Dargie said she recalls Henry Dang as someone who saw the best in people and tried uniting them.

“The way he looked at life was just remarkable, loving every moment of it and never really in a bad mood ... his personality just kept everything on a good note,” Dargie said. “He was always positive and could make any situation one of the best of your life."

Read Henry Dang's obituary at Leete Stevens Enfield Chapels website.

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Eric Vo is a undergraduate journalism student at the University of Connecticut. This article was a written as part of a class taught by Gail B. MacDonald, a Professor-in-Residence at UConn. Vo conducted interviews between February and April 2011.